Meh.

I. Am. Bored.

Cell Phone Batteries

Do you ever have moments where you are just tired? Not physically, but in all the other ways? Mentally, emotionally, spiritually? I feel like that right now. Just drained. In the words of one of my favorite songs, I feel like I have a "battered soul" the world just seems to be harassing it right now. Maybe it's because I am just 36 days away from heading out on my mission, Elder Holland said that moments before you are about to experience something spiritually life altering, there can be incredible amounts of opposition from the adversary. It's odd but I just feel stuck, at this weird state of being right now. But just as in the first vision, where the pillar of light appeared above Joseph Smiths head the moment he thought the darkness was going to overtake him I know God is nearer than we think when we feel its impossible to go any further experiencing what we are experiencing. I once heard it put this way: Cell phone batteries must not be plugged in until the battery is dead or at least very low. If they are they become weak over time and can only hold power to that point before needing to be plugged in again. So by not constantly plugging in our half used cell phone batteries, we are making them stronger, able to sustain themselves for longer amounts of time. Just like with cell phone batteries sometimes God may hold back his heavenly help in trials so that we become stronger and self sustaining in those trials rather than weak and quick to die out. "All these things shall work together for your good." Just have to keep that in mind...keep on keepin' on.

Lesson From the Kiddos'

Today was sooo fun! And weird! A married man asked me for my number for his friend who he has a feeling should take me on a date... okay, can you tell we are in Utah yet? Haha so funny. I got to help with a fundraiser for Tessa, who is on her third round of Cancer relapse. It was great to see how many people came to support her! At one point I was over the three legged race for kids. It was incredibly cute!! In a pair of brothers that were racing, the younger one kept falling and the older just kept reaching down, lifting him up, setting him back on his feet, and telling him it was okay and to keep going. What made it so touching was they were probably 4 and 6 year olds. As I watched the thought popped into my mind, that, that is the reason for us to be here on earth. To encourage, lift, and lighten our brothers and sisters no matter how many times they fall, or hold us back in the race of life (the time it takes out of our day). To show charity. That is why we are here and it was inspiring to see it displayed so plainly by such young examples.

Young and In Love With Life

Well, I am twenty and one years as of yesterday at 6:03 am. Wowza! I feel so young, haha seriously,  I thought I was older but 21 is practically a baby. I had the very best birthday yesterday! I came home from class to the cutest box of flowers sent from the fam.  I LOVED IT!!! Also went to a banquet at Hamiltons (really ritzy restaurant) for Ambassadors and it was so fun to get all dressed up and sip pink lemonade among friends. I just loved every moment of the day, Kneaders with Aub and Kyron, Twizzleberry with the gang, just good good stuff.  *also had the cutest encounter with my main man ;) 

(just a smidge of a crush)

This weekend me and my Snow Co. had a smidge of a photo shoot, soo fun! Xxoo!!

Feeding Wolves

I once heard a story that went something like this:

An old Cherokee told his grandson,  "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is EVIL. It's anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is GOOD. It's joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, and truth." The boy thought about it, and asked: "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied: "The one you feed."

Lately I have been feeding the evil wolf. To those of you whom have experienced this from me, I am sorry. I especially want to apologize to my roomie/music & fashion soulmate, you mean a great deal to me. I really feel terrible about lashing out in the heat of my jealousy and feelings of inferiority, there is no excuse for that kind of attitude and I'm sorry. I am sorry that my insecurities were taken out on you.

A suggestion found on pinterest today said to "Beginning today: treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster and do it with no thought of  any reward. Your life will never be the same again."

 I think that is a great way to start feeding the good wolf and I challenge myself to do it.

Butterflies

Happy Birthday Relief Society!!! We had a par-tay for it a week or so ago, so much fun! Really yummy cake. A lady from the stake shared a story: Some students were sent home with cocoons to watch butterflies break through a fly. One girl noticed her butterfly was working awfully hard to break free from her cocoon, so she snipped the edges of it with some scissors and waited for the ex-caterpillar to fly. The butterfly plopped out onto the counter with the lower half of its wings shriveled and unable to function. It later died. Each butterfly has to work and struggle to get out of the cocoon in order for the bottom wings to get proper juices flowing. Just like those butterflies we all have challenges, that are God given, for each of us to become stronger and one day fly.

The View

I read a book today about how to live a life of happiness. The author told a story of doing research on the homeless and how one of them was her greatest teacher on the subject. She sat and talked with the man about his routine and what his life was like being homeless. He mentioned how most days he ended up right there on the boardwalk, with his feet dangling staring out at the ocean.  Towards the end of the conversation she asked the man, "Why don't you go to a shelter? Or somewhere safer and more comfortable than this?" He simply replied, "Look at the view my dear, look at the view." Sometimes we are in uncomfortable places in life: trials, heartache, loneliness, frustration, discouragement, HOMEWORK, and the list goes on. When we find ourselves here, why not stop, and look at the view my dears.

Being Yourself

Yesterday I had the chance to sit in on a "soul bearing session" of a couple friends of mine. They were just talking about some of the hurtful things the other had done and what it made them feel. The girl said, "I just feel like you are so great and when I thought you could be interested in me that I needed to step it up. So I tried so hard to do things I thought you would like and say what you wanted me to say. But it felt like the more I did that the more you pulled away from me." Then the guy said, "That's because I liked the real you. I thought you were great just being yourself. Then when you started to try to please me it felt like our relationship was forced and I lost interest." *DING* on went the light above my head!! I realized that whenever I like a guy, and I think I have a chance with him, I try so hard to be what he would want me to be that I loose myself in the production. I think I found the solution to all those "almosts" that found their way out of my life. I need to learn to be confident in what I have to offer, in what I am bringing to the relationship. Not concern myself with what I think they would want me to be, but what I want me to be.

Cats?

I was finished with my homework and thought I would take a stroll around "Pinterest" just for kicks, then my roommate came in to chat we spoke for a second or two and then I headed back to my browsing. To my confusion and surprise it seemed I had typed the word "Cats" into the search bar on pinterest and had scrolled down a little before Aub came in. What? Haha who does that? I didn't remember doing that but so funny right? I can just hear my thoughts thinking, Camrie, type cats into the search bar see what comes up! Haha who am I?! What? I am not even particularly fond of them!

Joy in Simplicity

I discovered an interesting concept this week: how to be happy. I have heard for years now people say things like "You're in charge of whether or not you're happy." Or "it's up to you how you react to something." And I agreed to an extent. But how do you just ignore the way people or events make you feel and slap on a fake smile? That just wasn't my style, when I was upset, angry or sad about something I was going to show it. This weekend my fun roommates were all out of town and it turned out to be just lil' ole' me in the house all weekend. I can't explain it but it just hit me. I was happy. Sitting in the apartment completely alone, watching lame movies or doing laundry and exercising. I was happy. That's when I realized, I choose to be content with how my life is and more than that I choose to find joy in its simplicity.  Would I have been glad to have a friend call or that cute boy invite me over, well heck yes! But I choose to be happy alone or with people. I choose to love the emotions I feel, to laugh at myself, to laugh at the frustrations I have, to laugh at the worries or the things I hate. I believe I have found the key to being happy even when I am sad or lonely. This is my life, my emotions, my experiences and I am happy with all of it. If for no other reason than the fact that it's mine. I love it. I love it all completely, in its ups and downs I love it. I am happy in it, all of it.

It's Just a Lil' Crush

I was driving back up to school after attending a farewell and sleeping ova' at the Fam's house. That REALLY great song entitled, "Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations came on the radio, and you know what I decided? I LOVE love LOVVE that song! It's got such a catchy beat and describes a lot of what I am feeling lately. So there's this guy.... isn't that how all the stories start out? Anyway he is just adorable! When I am around him I just feel so calm and safe, like the most important person in the whole wide world. It's an incredible feeling. But I have this psycho part of me... that comes out a few days into having a lull in being around him or talking to him. My mind starts to wander and think, "Oh he isn't talking to me anymore because he finally caught on and realized that he is out of my league." Or something to this effect: "Oh noooo! He found a girl that is better than me!" Haha funny how us girls are crazy sometimes. Serious. I like to think of myself as pretty laid back when it comes to the girl drama chit-chat that runs rampant in all of us lovely ladies minds sometimes.... but there is something about this fella' that's got me running circles in my head.
Back to the song though... I love how upbeat it is, even though the singer is talking about a girl messing with his head, building him up, just to let him down. Now, I am not in any means saying that this very sweet and good looking young man is letting me down. But due to lack of communication, I do feel slightly dizzy at what he means by all he says. In conclusion ladies and gents, I think I have a new crush ;)

Cake Please

I feel like people should be able to have their cake and eat it too. For example, I started this blog and my journal writing suffered. I write in my journal and my blogging suffers. Shouldn't I be able to do both? Good golly, miss molly.

I went to a bridal fair this morning with my cute roommate Ashley Peterson.  It was adorable!! I loved looking at all the women with their "Bride" tags on and thinking, all of these girls are in love! Good for them! They fell in love!! So cute. The cake samples weren't half bad either.

How Do I Love Thee?

He Loves Me

It astonishes me how perfect Christ is in His love of every individual on the planet including myself, how infinite Gods love is for His children. I know their love is in my life, I feel it pulsing through little moments of every day.  In 1 Nephi 11:16-17 it says, "And he said unto me: (the he being an angel, the me being Nephi) Knowest thou the condescension of God? And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."   How great is that? How simple a principal.  God loves each one of us so much and that should be what motivates all the we do. Being aware of His love for us as well as everyone else on this planet. I strongly believe that THAT is what life is all about. Loving others unconditionally. That kind of Christ like love is something everyone could use more of. This new year I want to love each and every one of Gods children as perfectly as I can. As close to the way Christ loves them as my mortal self can get.  Because I know that he loveth his children, all other knowledge should stem from this knowledge.